According to Forever Conscious, "The Winter Solstice celebrates the longest hours of darkness or the rebirth of the Sun and is believed to hold a powerful energy for regeneration, renewal, and self-reflection." Today also marks 21 days sober.
To back up a bit.. I joined some friends in participating in "Sober October" recently and made it maybe a total of 20 days before falling back into my regularly scheduled drinking program. Quickly, I returned to my unhealthy love affair with wine and beer, slowly watching the positive affects of October melt away as the routine settled back in.... that's a suitcase to unpack on another day. But something changed Thanksgiving weekend and I woke up on December 1st with no desire to drink alcohol. It happened again on December 2nd and again on the 3rd, so I kept listening.
This morning, I woke with no hangover and have enjoyed my fresh-brewed coffee as I snuggle on the couch with my Start Today gratitude & goals journal and new read, "This Naked Mind" by Annie Grace. In the silence, I am sitting here bathing in the gratitude of enjoying another booze-filled holiday party with no desire to drink alcohol, for the physical changes in my mind and body, and mostly the most fulfilling joy and energy this new chapter of my life has been bringing me.
Don't get me wrong... the last 21 days were not my darkest. On the contrary, they have been filled with peace & light and the utter confidence that I have chosen the right path. I have had many of those dark days this year. Ones where I felt down for the count and wasn't sure if I was even going to try to get back up again. Nights where the every tear felt as though pieces of my soul were dying under the weight of my pain.
Today, however, the word jumping off the pages and slapping me across the face as I look internally is CONFIDENCE. As far back as I can remember, I used alcohol as a way to "fit in" with the crowd. Even when I was sober for 3 1/2 yrs in my early 20's, I would occasionally show up to a house party with a 6-pack of O'Douls and tear the labels off. The sad reality that I see now is that it never gave me the confidence I sought, only a false sense of belonging.
But in the last 21 days, I have felt confidence pulse through me in warm, forceful ways. I have walked out of meetings feeling like a #BOSS lately, enjoyed sincere conversations with friends at parties and remembered every minute of it, I have felt like a caring partner to my husband and a patient parent to my fur baby. Comparing that to the last few years of my life filled with self-loathing where I spent each morning obsessing over what a loser I was, a disappointment, that I didn't belong and that everyone would someday leave me...
The contrast is staggering.
So, I will rinse out my chalice, wipe off the red-wine-stained rim, top it off with some chilled Fresca and step into this day with my own personal mic drop.
Hoisting the Chalice of Fresca up high,
Kristy Kreme
No comments:
Post a Comment